The Abyss

There is an abyss. I do not know if I am entering it or leaving it.

In early June, I finished my last class and had a symposium for the fellowship that I have. A bunch of experts in my field come in to review our program and after presenting my research and getting great feedback, I realized that the only thing that stood between me and graduation was me. It's up to me. When I finish my research and dissertation, I will be done! So, when I start 21st grade this next fall, it will be my last. I could have been a doctor. Oh, wait, I will be. Just not the kind that can help people (ha!).

I have to say that I catch myself getting a little nostalgic and emotional over the prospect of being out of school, which is what I know, and entering the big, scary world, and also leaving Austin. There's a lot I'll miss about Austin and about the academic environment.

I'm hoping to finish by December, but it seems like a pretty hard prospect. One of my colleagues is in the same boat and the other day we sat down and worked backward from when our dissertations are due (Dec. 5th if we want to finish with the fall semester). Just to outline the basic process: you write your dissertation, give it to your advisor who helps revise it (2-4 weeks), then you give it to the rest of your dissertation committee (2-4 weeks), then you defend the dissertation to the committee, then you make any necessary changes (2 weeks), then you turn it in. So, that means we have to be done with our work and have it all written up by early October (or mid-Oct at the latest). Ahhhh! That's less than 3 months away! Oh, and did I mention that one of the members of my dissertation committee is on leave in NY for the fall semester and will be here only off and on?

Anyway, I decided I needed to step it up and my days of fitting 13 hours of work into a 40 hour week were over. I also didn't have any excuse of doing stuff for a class. I also got an office at the research area near my home (2 miles away) where more of my colleagues work and do research, which has been helpful and motivational (not to mention eliminating the hour I spent on the shuttle going to and from campus). I have pretty much been the first one in the office almost everyday and one of the last to leave (of course, that's just like an 8 or 8:30 to 5 schedule).

I've been writing some of my work up into papers (that I'll submit to journals) and working on some experiments to get some good data for my model. I still have to figure out the last phase of my dissertation though, so I hope I can figure it out pretty quickly (famous last words?). I'm making good progress, but I'm also juggling writing a postdoc proposal and working on other job leads at the same time. Needless to say, it's starting to be crunch time.

I guess it's not all bad if I don't quite get it all done by Dec 5th. Whenever I turn in my dissertation, I'm done. If that happens to role over into January or February, I guess that's what happens (I just officially will graduate in May). I hate not knowing where we are going. It bugs Becca (and her mom) a little that we don't really have a plan because we are supposed to go to her mom's for Christmas this year. I think we probably will (even though tickets are now above $350 for the cheapest flights from here to SLC!), but we may be moving soon after that. If I finish by Dec 5th, maybe we'll move before that. Who knows? If I do have to register for the spring though, I have a fellowship through the spring, so maybe I'll get all of it even though I'll only be there for the first part of the semester.

Most employers understand the nature of PhDs and that sometimes they just take a little more time than expected (weeks, months, sometimes semesters) and they are a little more flexible about start dates (or at least a little understanding). I have been working with some of my contacts for a postdoc position at NIST near D.C. and an engineering firm in Ft. Collins, CO. I have some other contacts at the EPA in North Carolina, although those labs are struggling right now, and CARB in Sacramento. I hope that one of those will go through so I don't have to do a regular shotgun job search.

They say that the best way to get a job is based on who you know, and I've made some pretty good contacts or have contacts through my professors. I won't really comment any more on any of the jobs or locations since this is in the public domain. Really, I just want a good work-life balance with fair compensation for the local living conditions/expenses. Some of them are better opportunities or jobs, and there are some places we would like to live. They aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but we'll see in the next few months how things play out.

Anyway, I expect to blog some, but taking pictures of our dinners just hasn't really been high on the priority list. Because of my longer (ok, normal) hours, I don't help as much in planning and preparing the meals, since Riley gets hungry not long after I get home. This "step-up" has helped me increase my work ethic and hopefully get me into job shape when I lose the luxury of a grad student schedule (did I mention that on Friday, I left at lunch to go swimming with Becca and Riley because I wasn't going to start another experiment until Monday?).

Well, I don't have much to end on, so I just will stop typing. End of tunnel. Light. Getting closer.